Are you speaking the same language?
By Bryan Noonan
In his book "The 5 Love Languages", author Gary Chapman tells of 5 distinct languages of love that we speak as individuals. His premise is that to effectively love our partner we need to learn the language they speak.
This is perhaps an oversimplification, but with marriages across the country falling apart in alarming numbers maybe it will take a step back and a simplified look at our own love languages.
The book "The 5 Love Languages" shares that we all speak a primary love language and sometimes a secondary language. However, if we are speaking a different language than our partner then we're not effectively communicating our love.
Here are the 5 languages in a nutshell so I can tell you what I'm getting at:
- Words of Affirmation (Praise)
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Now, if the love of your life is speaking the first love language and you're speaking the fourth love language then you aren't communicating. Here's what I mean: You come home from a busy day at work and your wife is busy putting the last touches on a special dinner she's been making for you because she feels loved when you DO things FOR her so she thinks you feel the same way. You are touched that she would go to all that work for you and your PRAISE her profusely telling her what a wonderful woman she is, and she's the best cook in the world, etc., etc. because you feel loved when she tells you how handy you are, or how good looking you are, or thanks you for taking the trash out.
All is going well so far. Then you finish dinner and go into your home office to check your email while she cleans up the dishes and she's crushed because it might have been nice for you to offer to help clean up the dishes and sweep the kitchen floor since she just went to all this work for you. You don't understand why she doesn't feel loved because you just PRAISED her and told her how wonderful you are. She doesn't understand how you can be so unloving to ignore her need for you to HELP out a little bit.
Now, let's change this scenario a little: You've finished praising her (because that's a natural way to express your love) and then you finish dinner. You tell her, "You put so much into this dinner, you must be exhausted. Why don't I clean up while you put your feet up?" She's flattered that you would think of her needs and she sits back on the couch watching you clean up, all the while admiring you for your thoughtfulness. She tells you when you are finished how wonderful you are and how thoughtful that was. You've spoken her language of Acts of Service and she's spoken your language of Words of Affirmation. You both feel loved, your 'love tanks' are full and you've just made a huge deposit into the quality of your relationship.
For More Information:
This book, The 5 Love Languages has been perhaps the most influencial book I've read about relationships. It's helped in more than just my marriage relationship and it's WELL worth the reading.
You can find this book on Amazon.com. Search for the book "The 5 Love Languages"
About the Author:
Bryan Noonan is a leading expert in keeping romance alive in your relationships. His monthly newsletter features fresh free romantic ideas, timly articles, and tips for keeping your romance alive.
Bryan Noonan may be contacted at http://www.freeromanticideas.com/ or email romance@freeromanticideas.com.
